Forever a Student

There is definitely skill involved with listening to your God-given intuition, because that quiet voice inside is so easy to ignore and/or overlook. I have done that for many years of my life, which led to so many consequences, like living a life that I thought was good for me, but didn’t make me come alive, didn’t truly feel right.

I have borderline personality disorder, which of many symptoms and signs, includes a shaky changing sense of identity. Yes, people do change and evolve over time, but what I mean are erratic changes. Some people change their hair color, change their name, suddenly up and move, and in my case, change my religion/faith several times in my life.

It is definitely normal to go through a time of spiritual seeking and questioning, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like a 38 year old teenager. I do have a shaky sense of identity often, however, I do have my core values and beliefs. As time goes by, I’m really starting to stabilize, and the changes I make are smaller, and do change over time as I learn and grow.

One important value I have is education. I am a perpetual student in life, and I feel accomplished when learning something new, or when delving deeper into something I already know. When I learn, I feel alive, so I purposely seek out classes to join. It tends to be online classes though, as I love to pick up and change sceneries often. That’s another blog entirely though.

I used to see my shaky sense of identity as a flaw. Yes, it is easy to be seen as one, but I have a new perspective now. I am growing, evolving, learning, and those are crucial, and I will be doing that for the rest of my life, and beyond, because death does not mean stopping. I am forever a growing, developing, and growing.

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