Kelly Konrad

I am the type of woman who tries too hard, second guesses herself, doubts herself, and simply stumbles through life, tripping over her insecurities. That is common for most people, I’m afraid. We walk through life thinking we are not enough, and we need to change. I am so used to constantly trying to fix something in my life or in myself. Why do we do this?

The other day, I came across the radical idea that maybe I am enough already. Maybe I am good just the way I am. In the eyes of others, I may not be thin enough, tall enough, tidy enough, heck, maybe I’m not determined enough to write a book just yet. I will never be ‘something’ enough in someone else’s eyes, but in my eyes, I am enough.

Through counseling, I have been learning so much, including how to be satisfied (for once!). What if I can be happy right now, as opposed to later? Why do I need something I don’t have in order to be happy? What if I start looking at my life, and myself, and realize I have everything I need? There is no reason I shouldn’t be happy right now.

About five years ago, I was in counseling for an eating disorder, and I learned some important lessons that I carry with me now. For example, I was crying to my counselor about how I wasn’t losing enough weight to be in a bikini by the upcoming summer. She asked me what was stopping me, and kept digging into my responses until we found the core reason. I wasn’t enough, and I wasn’t good enough to wear the bathing suit I wanted. The deeper truth was that I felt I wasn’t enough.

This turned into a conversation about why I felt I wasn’t enough right now. She helped me to refute every single reason I came up with until I had nothing. I was forced to realize that I am enough, right here, and right now. I wore a bikini that summer.

Just recently, I went through a struggle with dealing with some trauma from my past, and feeling like I was broken from that. The trauma convinced me that I wasn’t enough somehow. The lesson my former counselor taught me danced into my memory. Why am I not enough right now? I am enough. Just because I have gone through trauma doesn’t make me broken. The trauma is something that I went through, and says nothing about my value or worth. I am enough. No matter what, I am enough.